Spring Break
Zombies vs. Vampires: Vampires are better
Caity Cudworth
Issue date: 10/31/07 Section: Entertainment
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10/31/07 - On this Halloween, an age-old question once again looms. Since the dawn of time people have wondered: "If given the choice, would it be cooler to be a zombie or a vampire?"
For far too long this matter has been ignored.
It is time, however, to settle the score once and for all. Yes, here and now the most important question pertaining to doomsday scenarios and general badass-ness will be answered: Vampires…or zombies?
The answer may surprise you: Vampires are way better.
But why, you may ask, are vampires so much better than their brain-hungry kin? Allow me to elaborate:
1. Flying
First of all, vampires can fly. Zombies can only walk really slowly with their arms up, and that doesn't even look cool.
Vampires, on the other (better) hand, can morph into bats. Zombies don't have that skill, which is unfortunate for them because it makes them kind of lame.
2. Cereal
In addition to being able to fly, vampires also have their own delicious, chocolatey cereal. I'm referring, of course, to Count Chocula. The count, for whom this breakfast product is named, is a good-natured, cereal-loving vampire known for the catch-phrase "I vant to eat your cereal."
And who wouldn't "vant" to eat this cereal? It's fortified with nine essential vitamins and minerals; it also has marshmallow bats in it, which are awesome.
Zombies don't have their own cereal, as they clearly do not understand the importance of beginning the day with a balanced breakfast.
3. Living arrangements
Further adding to the case for vampires is the fact that they live in castles. Castles are cool for many reasons, most notably: moats, dungeons, drafty towers and large chandeliers.
Zombies live in the ground, which is why they're always covered with worms and dirt and stuff… and that's totally unhygienic. They're like the homeless of the undead.
4. History
Zombies may be experiencing a certain increase in popularity nowadays, but rest assured, this is just a fad. Zombies are all hype. Vampires came first. They were popular in the 19th century. And even though a lot of things that were cool in the 19th century (handlebar mustaches, reading) aren't popular anymore, vampires have proved that, like street-gangs, drug-use and sandwiches, they're more than just a passing trend.
For far too long this matter has been ignored.
It is time, however, to settle the score once and for all. Yes, here and now the most important question pertaining to doomsday scenarios and general badass-ness will be answered: Vampires…or zombies?
The answer may surprise you: Vampires are way better.
But why, you may ask, are vampires so much better than their brain-hungry kin? Allow me to elaborate:
1. Flying
First of all, vampires can fly. Zombies can only walk really slowly with their arms up, and that doesn't even look cool.
Vampires, on the other (better) hand, can morph into bats. Zombies don't have that skill, which is unfortunate for them because it makes them kind of lame.
2. Cereal
In addition to being able to fly, vampires also have their own delicious, chocolatey cereal. I'm referring, of course, to Count Chocula. The count, for whom this breakfast product is named, is a good-natured, cereal-loving vampire known for the catch-phrase "I vant to eat your cereal."
And who wouldn't "vant" to eat this cereal? It's fortified with nine essential vitamins and minerals; it also has marshmallow bats in it, which are awesome.
Zombies don't have their own cereal, as they clearly do not understand the importance of beginning the day with a balanced breakfast.
3. Living arrangements
Further adding to the case for vampires is the fact that they live in castles. Castles are cool for many reasons, most notably: moats, dungeons, drafty towers and large chandeliers.
Zombies live in the ground, which is why they're always covered with worms and dirt and stuff… and that's totally unhygienic. They're like the homeless of the undead.
4. History
Zombies may be experiencing a certain increase in popularity nowadays, but rest assured, this is just a fad. Zombies are all hype. Vampires came first. They were popular in the 19th century. And even though a lot of things that were cool in the 19th century (handlebar mustaches, reading) aren't popular anymore, vampires have proved that, like street-gangs, drug-use and sandwiches, they're more than just a passing trend.
