Spring Break
Stephen Lynch questions name of Cigar, shares 'words of wisdom'
Erin Shea
Issue date: 12/5/08 Section: Entertainment
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The former substitute schoolteacher shared many words of wisdom with the students of URI. Among them:
1. The Good Five Cent Cigar would be better off going by Newspaper.
2. Editor of the Cigar, Brenna McCabe, is really Groucho Marx.
3. You can get AIDS from breathing.
4. If you get AIDS, don't worry, at least you won't get fat.
5. Outback Steakhouse is where manly men go to drink.
6. Whoopi Goldberg is hot.
7. Melanin is the pigment that makes your skin darker.
8. Stephen Lynch wants to do Michelle Obama while wearing white cotton panties.
9. Saying "f**k 96 times in one song will not go over well with Comedy Central.
10. Singing to a small child about doing bad things in Mommy's ear, however, will.
11. Christopher Reeve could have kicked Steven Lynch's ass from his wheelchair.
12. Anne Frank lived a nice, long life picking flowers with her parents.
13. Jesus has a brother named Craig.
14. Stephen Lynch can fit a Guatemalan baby up his rear.
15. He also likes fingers in there.
16. The twelve apostles were "totally gay."
17. Scottish men and Lewis Black and Chewbacca sound remarkably alike.
18. As do Hugh Grant and Mr. Belvedere.
19. Yoda and Kermit make a good team.
20. Stephen Lynch is a classically trained ballet dancer, not a jukebox.
21. He could be a jukebox though, if you'll stick a $1 bill in his ass.
22. His other dream in life, besides playing at the Ryan Center, is to one day become "The Artist Formerly Known as Prince."
