Spring Break
Sex & The Cigar
Just Friends
Issue date: 11/3/09 Section: Editorial/Opinion
11/03/09 - Dear Sex & the Cigar,
I met a girl a few months ago whose interests and personality make her simply perfect. But, as can be expected in such cases, she already has a boyfriend. Unfortunately for me, he is a really nice guy. Usually I wouldn't give any thought to pursuing someone already in a relationship, but I've been getting signals from her that she likes me. I think if they weren't together anymore, we soon would be. I've tried to strike a balance between being her friend and yet remain a person of interest in that area. I don't want to hurt her or lose her as a friend. But I'm tired of hovering around like a scavenger waiting for her relationship to die. I'm afraid that nothing will happen unless I say or do something. Should I? And if so, what?
Patiently Pining
Hey Patiently,
To quote Ryan Reynolds in "Just Friends," you are on the "express lane to the friend zone." You're in a tricky situation, Pining, and you should make sure to play your cards right.
Are you sure that you're reading her signals right? You might just be looking for the signs to be there, and seeing them just because they're what you want to see. What you might be reading as her unbridled, burning love for you might just be her way of being friendly.
Before you make any sort of move, it's important to know you're both on the same page. You don't want to jump too far ahead and start planning your epic ride off into the sunset with her if this girl's still devoted to her boyfriend. Try and bring up the subject gently, but make sure not to hover too much. I can guarantee that there's nothing a girl hates more than an overly possessive guy.
You were right that you don't want to be "scavenging." Overall, any comparison to a flesh eating bird of prey isn't good in a romantic relationship. So, keep your distance in terms of her current boyfriend. Be there if she needs to talk about her relationship, but don't pry too much. If she wants to share her problems about her guy, she'll come to you. Before you make any sort of impassioned declarations of love or drunken confessional text messages, make sure it's worth the risk of damaging your friendship. Once you cross the line from friends to something more, there's sometimes no going back.
I met a girl a few months ago whose interests and personality make her simply perfect. But, as can be expected in such cases, she already has a boyfriend. Unfortunately for me, he is a really nice guy. Usually I wouldn't give any thought to pursuing someone already in a relationship, but I've been getting signals from her that she likes me. I think if they weren't together anymore, we soon would be. I've tried to strike a balance between being her friend and yet remain a person of interest in that area. I don't want to hurt her or lose her as a friend. But I'm tired of hovering around like a scavenger waiting for her relationship to die. I'm afraid that nothing will happen unless I say or do something. Should I? And if so, what?
Patiently Pining
Hey Patiently,
To quote Ryan Reynolds in "Just Friends," you are on the "express lane to the friend zone." You're in a tricky situation, Pining, and you should make sure to play your cards right.
Are you sure that you're reading her signals right? You might just be looking for the signs to be there, and seeing them just because they're what you want to see. What you might be reading as her unbridled, burning love for you might just be her way of being friendly.
Before you make any sort of move, it's important to know you're both on the same page. You don't want to jump too far ahead and start planning your epic ride off into the sunset with her if this girl's still devoted to her boyfriend. Try and bring up the subject gently, but make sure not to hover too much. I can guarantee that there's nothing a girl hates more than an overly possessive guy.
You were right that you don't want to be "scavenging." Overall, any comparison to a flesh eating bird of prey isn't good in a romantic relationship. So, keep your distance in terms of her current boyfriend. Be there if she needs to talk about her relationship, but don't pry too much. If she wants to share her problems about her guy, she'll come to you. Before you make any sort of impassioned declarations of love or drunken confessional text messages, make sure it's worth the risk of damaging your friendship. Once you cross the line from friends to something more, there's sometimes no going back.
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