Column: Sex & the Cigar
Hookup gets hooked
Bambi Trousersnake, Scarlett Buns, Trixie Tulips
Issue date: 11/19/09 Section: Editorial/Opinion
11/19/09 - Dear Sex & the Cigar,
I've been in a casual relationship with a guy since the beginning of the semester. Though we don't date, and pretty much limit our contact to late night "booty calls," he mentioned once that he's "not one for commitment." However, the other day, I noticed his Facebook profile listed him as "in a relationship."
I can't say whether the two of us would have ever been involved on a more serious level, but I'm little confused as to why he didn't tell me. When I realized he had a girlfriend, I was upset, and I'm not quite sure why. Do you have any insight for me?
Sad Sally
Dear Sads,
Sounds like the sex was good. What's not so good is that, now, you don't get anymore of it. Unfortunately, your lesson is one that a lot of college students learn the hard way. You go out one night, throw back a few too many at a party and suddenly you're between the sheets of some kid who, for all you know, probably dressed up like a fuzzy woodland creature for Halloween.
That's the thing about "hooking up" - while you might get to know where he has a tattoo or if he's a boxer or brief kind of guy, chances are, you aren't going to get to know that much about him. Sex can make it hard to map out your feelings about someone. You might think it's straight-up nookie; non-emotional, "Pretty Woman"-style (sans the whole sex-for-money thing, of course), but when you're that intimate with someone it's hard not develop those lovey-dovey feelings after a while, especially with all those endorphins you get from a good romp.
No wonder you're sad. I'd be sad, too. Though you admit you two would probably never make it official, it's still tough to see him with another girl. The gentlemanly thing for him to do would have been to inform you he was seeing someone else, but frankly, when it's just a booty call, you don't get those privileges. As G. Love & Special Sauce will tell you, "ain't nothin' wrong with a booty call, everybody like a booty call." But in this case, I urge you to take Mom's advice. A condom can't protect your heart.
I've been in a casual relationship with a guy since the beginning of the semester. Though we don't date, and pretty much limit our contact to late night "booty calls," he mentioned once that he's "not one for commitment." However, the other day, I noticed his Facebook profile listed him as "in a relationship."
I can't say whether the two of us would have ever been involved on a more serious level, but I'm little confused as to why he didn't tell me. When I realized he had a girlfriend, I was upset, and I'm not quite sure why. Do you have any insight for me?
Sad Sally
Dear Sads,
Sounds like the sex was good. What's not so good is that, now, you don't get anymore of it. Unfortunately, your lesson is one that a lot of college students learn the hard way. You go out one night, throw back a few too many at a party and suddenly you're between the sheets of some kid who, for all you know, probably dressed up like a fuzzy woodland creature for Halloween.
That's the thing about "hooking up" - while you might get to know where he has a tattoo or if he's a boxer or brief kind of guy, chances are, you aren't going to get to know that much about him. Sex can make it hard to map out your feelings about someone. You might think it's straight-up nookie; non-emotional, "Pretty Woman"-style (sans the whole sex-for-money thing, of course), but when you're that intimate with someone it's hard not develop those lovey-dovey feelings after a while, especially with all those endorphins you get from a good romp.
No wonder you're sad. I'd be sad, too. Though you admit you two would probably never make it official, it's still tough to see him with another girl. The gentlemanly thing for him to do would have been to inform you he was seeing someone else, but frankly, when it's just a booty call, you don't get those privileges. As G. Love & Special Sauce will tell you, "ain't nothin' wrong with a booty call, everybody like a booty call." But in this case, I urge you to take Mom's advice. A condom can't protect your heart.
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